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Written by Ryan Renfrew | Follow me on twitter / facebook.
What uuuuuuuup? Hope you are having an awesome day?
So we are now two weeks deep into 20eleven. Howz it been for you? Have you been sticking to your new years resolutions? Are you still on track towards achieving your 20eleven goals?
I have just returned from a fantastic goal setting seminar A Present To Your Future by Micheal Colhoun – certified trainer of NLP and instructor of Kundalini Yoga. It was at this seminar that I discovered some home truths about my goal setting techniques I was blissfully unaware of. Ya’ see, over the years I’ve read a fair few books on goal setting and NLP and believed I have a sound understanding of the subject. Actually, truth being told I thought I understood soooo much about the goal setting process that I could skip a few steps. Oooops! Bad move.
I’m not gonna go into the specifics of the goal setting process but let me share an experience I had from a particular step of the process – admittedly a process I previously thought I didn’t need to bother with. And this element is called Personal Rules For Success, this is were we pick a goal we have previously achieved and think back to the time when the goal was conceived and list any emotions, thoughts or feelings we felt at that time.
A few of mine included…
- Knowing I had a plan.
- Feeling passionate and excited.
- A feeling that I am in control of my life.
- A feeling of resolute determination and that nobody could stop me or stand in my way.
- An overall sense of power
And finally…
- A sense of certainty.
Well this was grand and an extremely valuable exercise, and ashamedly one I thought I didn’t need to do and could just gloss over, afterall I kinda new these where scattered somewhere across my subconscious, didn’t I? WRONG!!!!!…. As I went on to discover.
Sure, The Personal Rules Of Success seem great! And they are!
But hereon lies my problem.
The next part of the process is Working Out You Goals For The Coming Year. Okay, so I choose a goal from the money and finance area of my life.
‘By the 31st of December I will be on pace to be earn £8333 a month (£100,000 a year) I will know this has come true by seeing the figure displayed in my bank account.‘
Quite a MASSIVE goal right?… and it is possible… but heres where I find that chink in my goal setting armour.
- Have a plan – Yes!
- Felling passionate and excited – You bet!
- The feeling I am in control – Absolutely!
- Resolute determination – Check!
- A sense of power - Sure!
But
- A sense of certainity – Hmmmm!
This is my stumbling block. A major stumbling block!
For us to achieve a goal we have to have an overwhelming sense of certainty. And for whatever reason I don’t quite have it yet for this goal. I want to have it, I want to have it so bad, I want to force my self to have it, but alas somewhere in the back of my mind is a smidgen of doubt – a limiting belief.
As I see it I am faced with two options.
Re-evaluate my goal.
or
Remove limiting beliefs.
Now, I have too stubborn a personality to move the goal posts and re-evaluate my goal, and besides I like the £100,000 it’s a nice big round number and it breaks that 6-figure barrier. If anything I want it even more now, mainly to prove to myself wrong. So removing my limiting beliefs it is then.
I am not 100% sure what these limiting beliefs are, I do have an inkling but will require further contemplation.
But I’m glad at least I know I have these limiting beliefs.
Up until the seminar I was unaware I had any limiting beliefs about this goal. Which would have tripped me if undetected.
We all have limiting beliefs. Yes, we ALL have them! lots of them! And in many cases we are unaware of them.
Let me give you an analogy.
A classic example is how elephants are trained. When elephants are young they are not so strong – relatively, so one of their legs is tied to a chain, the other end of the chain is attached to a stake driven into the ground. The elephant will struggle and push and pull for hours even days and over a period of time the elephant will develop with a sense of certainty or create a belief that there is a limit to what it can do. Over the years the elephant will become so conditioned that when attached to the very same chain – one that the elephant can easily break free from – it doesn’t even try to break lose or escape, it just stays in the comfort zone it has been trained to be in.
This, in a way is just like us, what is your chain? what is holding you back? In many cases we are just like the elephant, unaware we are bound to false beliefs (the chain) that can easily be broken.
I would love to hear what limiting beliefs you have overcome in the past and how did you overcome them?
Resources
These are FREE resources that I have used and recommend.
The very 17 page workbook I was using at A Present For You Future goal setting seminar.
- Goals – by Brian Tracy
A 300+ ebook by the great Brian Tracy avaliable from his blog
bLAZE yOUR tRAIL
###
Ryan,
We all have limiting beliefs, belief that limit us and hold us back from what we want to achieve. One of my really big limiting beliefs that I had before I did my NLP training was an Identity statement: It was a self-imposed belief about not being perfect, In essence the statement was “I am a fraud”. I felt that everyone else was more qualified than me, that I wasn’t really good at anything, and that someday I would be found out. It was a double edged sword, because on one level, I had very low self esteem and image of myself, but also it mean that I would try to perfect what I was doing in order to “..not be found out”. So, from the outside perspective, I did well in things like exams, and stuff, but never really felt I “knew the subject matter” even when I got 70% or 80% or even 90% in exams. It came to the stage that when I was lecturing in university, I would spend between 10 and 20 hours preparing EACH lecture, I was so paranoid about “being found out”.
Obviously that was not sustainable. I would get elated if I got the smallest big of praise, and I would be flattened and deflated if anyone said anything bad about my lectures. This tiny little limiting belief put me on an emotional ping-pong roller coaster.
When I did my practitioner training, I also learned Time Line Therapy, which help me reevaluate this and many more limiting beliefs about myself, and let them go. But you don’t have to do time line therapy, you can do it yourself if you are patient by evaluation your beliefs, and proving to yourself that they are wrong, by finding may counter examples of the belief. Limiting beliefs are always statements about yourself. usually stated as “I am ..”
Now, I guess that this is not an issue for me anymore, I certainly don’t try to be perfect, but still have very high standards. This is not to say I don’t still have limiting beliefs, we all do.
The reason I’m sharing this story is that I found an amazing article about “I am a Fraud” on the web only yesterday which I tweeted (have a look at my tweet stream) , and it reminded me of my past experiences.. Syncronicity? Dunno.
Have a read. http://blog.asmartbear.com/self-doubt-fraud.html
Great to meet you,
Warm regards,
Micheal.
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Thanks for sharing you experiences wit me Micheal,
I guess Its a learning curve, the more we do things the more confidence we get untill we reach a critical level were we feel like we blong or that we are no longer a “fraud”.
This weekend I will be doing some soul searching and will be studying what I can on removing limiting beliefs. Begining with the article you suggested.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing, its people like you that engage and provide great insight that strengthen this blogs community.
bLAZE yOUR tRAIL
Ryan Renfrew recently posted..10 Steps To Combat The Leaky Bucket Syndrome
Ryan,
I think the key is to understand from where we derive meaning in life. If our self worth is based on achieving goals, then we’ll never arrive at a place of peace in our lives….because goals are external and we can never find true meaning outside of ourselves. (dang, I wasn’t trying to go deep….sorry!)
If we understand our own self worth, then achieving our goals isn’t the criteria we measure ourselves against. There is no criteria, because we are innately divine. This is the core of finding unconditional peace, and allows for an absolute determination to achieve goals without the attachment. Best of both worlds!
Man, I really loved this post….and the comment from Michael. You guys inspired me to stop write a blog post before I could even finish reading. Love the site Ryan, I’ll be a regular from now on.
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
What uuuup Jason,
What a profound comment, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts, its given me a lot to think about. Im glad youve becaome a regular reader and I eagerly anticipate futher insights. Im also intrigued about your inspired blog post.
You Rock!
I just looked over my comment again, and Ryan, I wrote that for myself. Wasn’t inferring you have no meaning in life! LOL
Jason recently posted..50 Ways “That’s Not My Job” Impacts Our World!
Twitter: justinhamlin
says:
Ryan –
Great post. There are MANY ways to look at that limiting factor, but I do agree most can be boiled down to not believing in the goal you are trying to achieve, hence why so many ‘off the cuff’ new years resolutions fizzle out within a few days.
I think that your blog post here and my latest series post great parallels for the basics of goal setting and then following goals through to completion, as well as what to do when life happens or *gasp*, you fail. Take a read on my blog for my latest series, I think you will like the parallels.
Great post, as always, bringing attention to the shortcomings that people have when setting accurate goals that are achievable.
Justin Hamlin recently posted..Your Life is a Business- Why You Need a Plan Pt 3
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Yeh Justin,
It makes sense, most off the cuff resolutions are things people would ‘like’ to do our achieve, without having any real resolve.
Im intrigued about your posts, ill pop over now and have a look see.
Ryan Renfrew recently posted..10 Steps To Combat The Leaky Bucket Syndrome
Twitter: justinhamlin
says:
Ryan –
Exactly. A goal is not something that you would “like” to accomplish, or an “it might be nice” to accomplish, a goal is something that you set with conviction, vigor and confidence that with hard work and persevering, you will achieve.
-Justin
Justin Hamlin recently posted..Holy Shit… I just Quit My Job
Great post Ryan.
I have had the same problem Michael talks about as my limiting factor. I never feel qualified or confident in my abilities. I guess maybe its low self esteem or shyness but I am breaking free from that! I realize that while some people might be better at some things than me… I can still be bad ass!
Brandon
Brandon Bailey recently posted..The Master Plan… How I Am Going To Change the World
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Dude,
Everyone is different and everyone has their own strengths and weakneses. The key is to play to your strengths and not measure yourself against others but measure yourself against your expectations of yourself.
Ryan Renfrew recently posted..10 Steps To Combat The Leaky Bucket Syndrome
Setting goals can be tough… especially long term goals. Day-to-day goals are more like assignment lists, but saying, “I want to earn a net of $30,000 this year” means you must have a pretty well established money machine in place to make it happen. Otherwise it’s just wishful thinking.
Goals should be a challenge to you, but realistic given your situation.
I like the bit with the elepahnt and can see how we may get to be just like that if we become to accustomed to being chained by a job or lack of success. You’ve got to believe you can break that chain and make your own way.
Allan Douglas recently posted..Pride & Prejudice in Family Communications
What’s good wit you Ryan!?
this is the kind of rockstar post I love! I have decided that my main “goal” is to implement what i learn. therefore, I can have many goals that I can feasibly accomplish because I am implementing everyday. We are known to put way too much pressure on ourselves and it’s time we learn how to do it right!
Cheers,
Lisa
Lisa@ basic marketing recently posted..My Comment Section Is Smarter Than Yours
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
What uuuuuup Lisa,
Thanks for your kind words.
Implementing what you learn is soooo important. I see too many people with great goals and great ideas, who research everything and know all the theory but do little in the way of executing their ideas. You have got the right idea by focusing on feasible goals and working on them untill you have accomplished them.
You Rock!
Why not go for $100,000 instead of £100,000? It’s still 6 figures and still a nice big round number… just a bit easier to attain
I really like that personal rules of success exercise, and that’s something I’ll do tomorrow. There. It’s been added to the to-do dry erase board. Set in stone.
It’s interesting how you (we) can have all of those other other requirements (passion, determination, power, etc.) yet still not accomplish a goal simply because of that one chink in the armor.
Thanks for the great read, Ryan!
Tristan recently posted..Bloggers- Are You Actually LEARNING Anything Useful
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Your right Tristian,
I was all in favour for setting a high and somewhat unnatainable target to push myself – ya’ know, failing forward and all that. But with further reflection I think I will reevaluate my target while I practice my goal setting techniques, so yeh $100,000 dollars sounds great.
The personal Rules To Success Exercise was an incredible experience for me, I actually went into a state of meditation before hand – as I am usully more of a logical person – this state of meditation…although I am a meditation beginner… helped me get in tune with my more emotional creative side which made the process much more beneficial.
Great insights. Having certainty really is important in how we approach goals. Not sure it’s always possible, but is a propelling force.
BTW, you’ve got something wonky going on with your comment form. (Might have something to do with CommentLuv?) The cursor keeps getting forced into the website field and I can’t go back and edit my comment. Very strange…
Alison Moore Smith recently posted..My Bold Prediction for 2011
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Hey Alison,
Thanks for checking out the post. I believe that having a sense of certainty is vital for goal setting because if we are not 100% committed we are less likely to follow through, especially when the going gets tough. Having said that, it takes consistent work and conscious effort to develop the ability to possess the mindset of certainty and it is something that can be be improved the more we practice.
Thanks for letting me know bout the commenting problems, I have had a bit of trouble with CommentLuv, I will go ack and look into it.
bLAZE yOUR tRAIL
Ryan,
Love the analogy there about the elephant. Glad I came over your post and have a read too! I think I used to have the same problem too last year! Setting goals but never knowing with certainty that it will happen for real.
I’ve set more realistic goals this year and I’m working my butt off to try to get some sites up and running to achieve my goal of making a little more money than last year.
Bryan recently posted..Link Building Recipe- Bad Ingredients That Spoil The Pot
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Hey Bryan,
I love that ananolgy to, its a great way to remember a powerful concept.
I believe the key to goal setting is finding the balance between optimism and being realistic.
I wish you all the best in getting some sites up and running. And please come back and let me know how your are getting on.
Sure Ryan,
Will definitely write about it on my blog. So stay tune
Bryan recently posted..Link Building Recipe- Bad Ingredients That Spoil The Pot
Twitter: rdempsey
says:
Interesting talk about goals. The biggest thing that stuck out to me was your talking about certainty. I’ve found that I have absolute certainty that in total what I am doing is going to allow me to achieve my financial goals, however when it comes to individual projects I don’t set those goals. Sounds like it’s time to re-evaluate a few things. Thanks for the heads up!
Robert Dempsey@Online Marketing Strategies recently posted..Stop Chasing The Internet Marketing Dream And Start Achieving Results
Ryan,
I love the phase “Personal Rules For Success”. I am convinced that if you want to be a happy camper, you’ve got to march to the beat of your own drum. I think you unnecessarily beat yourself up a little bit with the word certain. You can commit to giving it your best effort, but you win some and lose some. Winston Churchill said (after recently spending 2 weeks in Ireland, I am little reluctant to quote an Englishman to an Irishman, but it’s a good quote) – “If you want to double your rate of success, you have to double your rate of failure.” And Churchill had some whoppers (failures).
Riley
Riley Harrison recently posted..HOW A LIBRARIAN FINDS GOOD BOOKS AND MORE TIME TO READ
Twitter: RyanRenfrew
says:
Hey Riley,
Churchill has got some great quotes.
You got it , you got to follow whats inside, do what feels right.
Ryan
I agree with you Ryan, we just are contented in the security of what we believe in hat we really don’t go much further to explore.
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Im sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately parents have a hard time understanding how things run in this century. I recommend you to go to group homes and ask for help.